Making Friends In Class Again

Last semester, I didn’t make a whole lot of new friends.  I did, however, become closer friends to the people I had met before in this area, thanks to the fact that I now live a matter of minutes away from them versus an hour and a half.  I got to know one dance friend whom I’d always thought was really nice much better, and we spend a lot more time hanging out now.  I also started carpooling with another dance friend, and we shared a lot about ourselves during our car rides and became much closer than I expected.  I hope we remain good friends even though we can’t carpool this semester.  I also became very close to the person I dated, and we’ve remained close since.  I did manage to make one friend in my Accounting class as well, which was really nice because he was very helpful throughout the school year and made the class much more enjoyable.

This semester I would like to do a better job of making friends through my classes though.  My mom suggested I try and have at least a 3 minute conversation with one new person per day, but I think that would be too much for me.  I do have the mindset that I will try to talk to and get to know at least two people every time I’m at an event or social setting though.  And I do want to try and make at least one, preferably two, friends in each of my classes.  I’ve noticed that I enjoy a class much more when I have a friendly face to talk to each class period.  It’s hard to make the initial “move” to talk to someone new, but almost every time I’ve done it, I’ve been glad I did and the other person is appreciative and receptive.  I just need to remind myself of this when the nerves overwhelm me and keep me from getting someone’s attention to introduce myself.  I’ve been through this many times before though, so I know I am capable and know it just requires saying something, no matter if it’s a question about the homework, the textbook, or the class in general.  As the picture says, I will put myself out there this school semester!

Spending Time with Friends

A week ago on Monday I met up with my friend Jennifer who I hadn’t seen since the summer.  She wanted to meet at a Starbucks I’d never been to before, but I looked it up on google maps and found it without any trouble.  Although I haven’t been making trips too far away, all these little trips to new places have been helpful.  Eventually I want to try some longer distances.  When I first drove to both of my colleges last semester for the first days of school that was very nerve-racking, but now I feel comfortable driving to those places.

Last week on Thursday night I had my first yoga class, which was also in a new place I’d never been to, but I found it no problem as well.  When I got to the class there was a lady and a man sitting outside on chairs looking bored (the man was practically sleeping actually).  I went up to the lady and immediately asked her if this was the yoga class, then I sat down and we started talking from there.  That one question, “Is this the ____ class?” is often how I start talking to people I don’t know.  It works!  We talked the rest of the time while we were waiting and admitted that we were both yoga newbies and didn’t know what to expect.  When we started the class, we found out that it had actually started a week before even!  I was confused by that and she was too, but luckily we were able to stick together and catch up.  The class was alright.  I had trouble completely relaxing though because I wanted to check and see if I was doing the poses right. I think the more I do it the more I’ll be able to calm my mind and keep my eyes closed.  It was interesting though.  Some of the poses were a little difficult to hold but others I felt good with.

I’ve been pretty busy seeing a lot of friends lately.  I’ve been going out every day practically, and I’ve been loving it.  I saw my friend Doug and got to know Susie better when we went hiking/exploring together around a beach, which was cool.  It was a beautiful day and it was nice being out in the sunshine.  I went to Berkeley with Gabi, Isis, and Aaron on Friday too and that was fun.  UC Berkeley is a really beautiful campus.  I went swing dancing afterward that night and invited Gabi and Isis since we had room, and it was one of the best nights of dancing in a long time.  I danced a lot and had a lot of great dances.  I followed for some of the night, led for the other, danced east coast swing at times, then lindy hop, then some west coast, and then ended the night with some blues dancing.  I hadn’t danced blues much at all before, but one of my friends Stu helped explain to me the movement, and now I understand it much better.  It was fun!

I also went to a Belly Dance Performance recently with my friend Angela to see my friend Johanna (one of the friends I made at college when I was trying to make new friends!), and that was a great night.  Angela and I got lost and ended up going to the next city over, but eventually we found our way back and found a place to eat.  I was glad I wasn’t driving though because the directions were confusing and google maps didn’t work out this time.  Angela and I had a great night together and had a good bonding day discussing a lot of personal matters.  She’s like my sister and we can tell each other any and everything.  When we finally arrived at the performance place, we watched the show and had a great time.  Johanna did awesome and so did the other belly dancers.  The live band was really great to listen to and the belly dancing was really neat to watch.

I saw my friend K Tuesday too, who is also a friend I made at college when I was trying to make new friends.  I’ve hung out with K and Johanna the most from college and it’s great that I made two good friends so quickly.  I know we’re going to be long-time friends.  K and I played tennis and it was fun, though very tiring.  Despite running and walking every day I forgot how intense tennis can be.  We rallied a while and then played 2 out of 3 games.  K wanted to bet something so he bet that the loser would buy coffee, but I won so he ended up having to buy his own coffee and buying me hot chocolate.  It was fun and it was nice walking around and showing him my town.  He excitedly asked if I had my camera and I said yes, and so of course we took a lot of pictures (like the one posted here).  Picture taking is a simple activity but it’s a lot of fun when you use creativity for your poses and people tend to know that I love pictures and love taking them with me.

So I’ve been busy seeing a lot of friends, and it’s been great because I hadn’t seen a lot of them in a while.  The winter break is about to end soon though so we will all be more busy with school soon.  I also went to Toastmasters recently and tried the Timer role for once, and at first I was confused but eventually I figured out how the set-ups worked.  I still got called up for an impromptu speech with Table Topics though.  I had been hoping I wouldn’t be picked since I hadn’t been in a while and Table Topics is still the most nerve-racking part of Toastmasters, but I responded to the question, “What would you do if you won 10 million dollars?” and spoke for a little under two minutes, then sat back down.  I pulled every idea of what I would do out of my head though I didn’t really have any time to plan or think about what I wanted to say.  I said more “um’s” than usual because it had been a while since I’d been to Toastmasters, but funnily enough I ended up winning “Best Table Topics speaker”, which was reassuring and encouraging.  I also recently had to call for an appointment with a counselor at one of my colleges, and I still felt that familiar nervous feeling, but I made the call and set up an appointment for myself.  The woman I spoke to was a little rude and huffy, but I understand because it’s probably not a fun job dealing with students all day and scheduling appointments.  Those are some updates of how things have been going post-project.

The Secret Note

A lot has happened since the first week of school, and it would take several posts to go over it all, so I’ll give an overview.

Basically, college has been great.  Even though it’s community college, I’ve managed to make several friends and I’m meeting some interesting people (interesting in a good way!).  I’ve hung out with a few of them outside of class after initiating we do so through a text or at school and what not, and that’s brought me closer to them.  Yuli, K, and Johanna I’ve all gotten to hang out with outside of school and I like them a lot.  I’m making several friendships in each of my classes and have made an effort to talk to as many people around me as I can.  Some of those people I may not become close friends with, but it’s good to have a friendly classroom relationship with them I think.  Facebook has been of course helpful for getting to know some of them better.

I’ve found that the few times I’ve been on my own for lunch, I can’t help but want to talk to the people around me.  It’s like I’m in “friend mode” all the time now and I can’t turn it off.  Even when it’s a quiet area like a study hall, I secretly hope someone will not be too invested in their homework and will try to talk to me.  It’s kind of funny.

The first time I sat on my own at a table I witnessed a guy come out of the cafeteria with a lunch he just bought and ask to sit down at a table where a girl was sitting doing her homework.  She smiled and said of course.  He sat there quietly, munching on his lunch.  She kept studying. At the end, when he finished his lunch and packed up to leave, he slipped a piece of paper over to her, and walked away.  I couldn’t help but watch her open it. I saw her expression change from a neutral look to a big smile and she laughed out loud and shook her head and just kept smiling, and reached for her phone to text her friend.

What did the note say?  Did he compliment her?  Did he leave his number?  Did he thank her for allowing him to sit with her or wish her luck with her test?  I wondered what the note said and smiled, feeling very fortunate to have been in the right place at the right time to see that.  The note seemed to totally make her day and it was so cute to witness.  I got the feeling that it was just a friendly message meant to brighten her day, and I just thought that was really cool.  I wouldn’t have minded if he had sat next to me!

Then a girl comes and asks if she can sit next to me, and excited I say “Please do!” She sits next to me, and I keep fumbling through my notes for a little while, and she looks at her phone.  Inspired by the incident I just witnessed, I start talking to her, asking her about the pizza that she got to start.  She was friendly and it was easy to keep talking to her, and we talked about college related things a while.  Afterward she said it was really nice talking to me, and I resisted the urge to ask to swap facebooks, and simply said it was nice talking to her too.

That is just one story of many, but I do need to get on to a new goal soon so I won’t be able to post a lot of the other ones.  I am planning to write a *book* though and will be able to include a lot more in there!   The new year is approaching quickly, and 2011 is coming to a close.  It went by so fast!

Deja vu- The first day all over again

Usually, there is only one first day of school.

For me, however, there were two.

I am taking classes at two different community colleges. I’m doing this so I can get all the classes I want my first semester instead of only having a few options as a new student.

My first day at one of my colleges was great, but how was the first day at my other college going to go?  The butterflies returned at the prospect of having to go through the first day of school all over again.

Soon enough, the time came and I set foot in my first class of my first day at this college, my Career and Life Planning. I was looking forward to it because I think the subject of career choice is fascinating and I’m hoping this class will help me figure out what I want to do. I’ve already done so much research on my own, but I hope I’ll get something helpful out of this class.

I talked to the girl sitting next to me right away, and she was really friendly. In class, an activity started where we had to go around the room and find someone who fits one category on a space, like someone who loves music, or who had a leadership position in school, or who volunteers. It seemed a little silly to me at the time but I know the teacher was just trying to get us all acquainted with each other. I briefly met a majority of my classmates, and even won a candy bar for being one of the first people to turn in my sheet with all the squares filled out with signatures from each person in the class.  Woot!

Next, I headed for my Intro to Sociology class. When I entered through the doors, I saw that every seat in the class was taken. Every seat. I had no choice but to sit on the floor, so I did. Soon others came in and had to stand or find somewhere to sit on the ground as well. The room was packed with people hoping to add her class. The teacher is supposedly one of the best Sociology teachers this college has ever had, and she’s won teacher of the year awards. I was excited at the prospect of getting to learn from her, and was hoping I’d be able to add.

We all waited a little while, but there was no sign of her. But then, the door crashed open and a tall white haired woman charged forcefully down the aisle to the front of the room, yelling for everyone to put away their cell phones, and ranting that if she ever saw one out again she’d kick the person out of the class. Several people looked offended and astounded, or slightly spooked, and I could tell that some people would drop. She continued to say that she would not tolerate any talking once class begun, and anyone who talked while she was talking would be asked to leave. There are no excuses in her class, nothing can be late, and there are no make ups. Her tests consist only of essay questions, because she doesn’t believe in multiple choice tests. There would only be three tests all year, and 3 research papers.

I had read that she tries to scare people away the first day and comes off as really strict and tough, but that she is actually one of the most caring teachers on campus. Her attempt to scare us didn’t work on me, and I happily added my name to the add list when she said anyone who showed up today and wanted to learn she would teach.  I had emailed her before asking to add, and she had first sent back an automatic message that said she had over 100 people requesting to add and that she wasn’t giving out add codes before class.  I wrote back saying that was a ton of people and clearly shows what a sought out teacher she is, and that I was hoping to add but I’d probably have to try again another semester.  I said I was hoping to take her class because I’d heard she was an excellent teacher and I wanted to learn what Sociology was about.  To my surprise, she wrote back saying it was her last semester, and she said to come to the first class and introduce myself and she was sure that I had a pretty good chance of getting in.

I was a little nervous to approach her after the big scary image she had presented of herself, but felt like since I had said I would introduce myself, that I should. After adding my name to the add list, I said, “Hi my name is Brittany, I emailed you over the summer about adding your class, and I said I would introduce myself, so I wanted to be sure and do that.” I held my hand out and we shook hands and she smiled and touched my arm and said she was really glad I made it to her class and was going to add. She asked if I’d gotten the books already and I said that I had, and I was looking forward to her class. It was a nice friendly exchange and probably made a good first impression on her.

Next I had speech class. I started talking to the lady next to me, Heather. On the first day we were given an assignment to interview the person next to us in class, so we ended up interviewing each other and another woman joined our group too since there was an odd number. Heather’s a mom of three teenagers and I learned some miscellaneous facts about her. The following class we would have to introduce our partner to the class, so I tried to find out some things that I thought would be interesting to share.

All in all the first day of this college went well too, though my previous first day was even better in my opinion. It was a good day though and I was glad to be done with both of my first days!

My First Day of College (Part I)

My eyes darted from each passing stony face.  My heart pounded.  Butterflies infiltrated my stomach.

It felt like the first day of high school all over again.

Except this time, I was completely on my own.

I had arrived an hour early.  I took a little tour of the campus to waste time.  I only walked to the library before I turned around, however, and returned to the building near my first class.

There were a lot of people sitting on the benches outside the Liberal Arts building.  Some were with another person.  Some were alone.  Those alone, however, had ipod earbuds smashed in their ears or a cellphone or book glued to their fingers.

A hopeful conversationalist’s dream.

Not.

I decided to sit between two girls who were spread out on their respective ends of one seating area.  On my right, the girl was plugged in to her ipod.  On my left, the girl was texting.  But, she was looking up every once in a while, and was only texting occasionally.

I sat there feeling a bit awkward at first.  I concentrated my attention to my jacket sleeve which had some loose strings and then flipped mindlessly through my International Relations textbook.  The boys across from me on the opposite seating area stared at me like they could see through my calm façade.  I decided to shut off my imagination and not project my own feelings onto them.

As I was glancing up quite a bit, I noticed the girl texting was looking up quite a bit too and seemed kind of bored.

So I decided to try talking to her.

“Is this your first time at college?” I finally asked, turning to her.

“Yeah I had my first class earlier,” she replied, turning to me and smiling.

“Oh cool!  It’s my first day here too!”

And that, my friends, was the start of what ended up being a 45 minute conversation with a stranger.  It was a long time to talk to someone I knew nothing about, but it went well.  It did not feel awkward at all.  Just being in the same setting, college, gave us plenty to talk about.  As it was about time for our next class, I suggested swapping numbers, and we did!

I was feeling pumped after my great start to the day and marched into my first class, International Relations, with confidence…

(Stay tuned for Part II…) *This is like a comic book!*

Make New Friends

Public speaking was a great challenge.  It was probably the hardest one yet because being the center of attention like that brings out the natural shyness in many of us.

I honestly did not feel confident that I was going to be able undertake Toastmasters and public speaking.  I’ve always hated presentations and even the word “presentation” or “oral report” was enough to make my stomach churn and my heart race.  In the past I’ve worried weeks before presentations in school and have had trouble sleeping and concentrating on anything else but the presentation.

Of course, I still get nervous for a presentation. I still worry about forgetting what I’m saying or making a fool of myself.  But I’ve gotten a lot better at quieting my negative voice and magnifying my positive voice.  This has definitely helped reduce the time I’ve spent worrying about an upcoming presentation or speech.  I’ve felt less stressed.

Even though I’m moving on to my next goal now, I am continuing with Toastmasters, like I have continued with my other goals.  It is a fairly big time commitment since it is every week, but I know that the benefits of this educational program will be extraordinary.

But now, it is time for another goal.

It’s time…to make new friends.

High school ended.  College is starting.  It’s the prime time for me to move out of my comfort zone and expand my circle of friends.  Several high school friends are moving away, and although several of my friends are still going to be in the area, I think it’s important to meet new people too.

When you go to a four year college, it is supposedly a lot easier to make friends.  You share a dorm room with someone, who could be a potential friend, or who could be a potential nightmare.  You live on campus so you are surrounded by thousands of other people around your age.  There are house parties, clubs and organizations, sports, campus events, and so forth.

Community college, however, is different.  A majority of the students come to school, take their classes, and then head home or off to work.  There aren’t living arrangements on campus.  There aren’t as many campus events, if any.  Making new friends is a little harder.

One of the main reasons why I wanted desperately to go to a four-year school before was to make new friends.  My brother Andrew made a family away from home while he was at UC San Diego.  He is still good friends with many of them today, even though they live in different parts of the country.  My brother Sean spent his first few years at community college, but didn’t really make any friends there.  It wasn’t until he went to Sonoma State that he met Brian, who welcomed him into his large circle of friends.

I realize it’ll be easier to make more friends once I transfer to a four-year school, but I want to make the most of my experience at community college.  I’ve learned so much from the friends I’ve made in the past and I really love getting to know people.  My hope now is that I can make some new friends.  The trouble is, how do I go about doing that?

My main idea is to make at least one friend in each of my classes this semester. I don’t know if I’ll be able to join school clubs where I realize it would be a lot easier to meet people, but I can make friends in my courses.  Since I have little time with six classes and a new job, I’ll have to get creative.  I can meet friends of my new friends.  I can meet friends of my current friends.  I can make my friend search well-known, so people know I am looking to meet new people and would love to be introduced.

College is a time for a fresh start and new beginnings, and I am more than ready to come in with a clean slate.  If I make an effort, I believe it will be possible to make friends at community college.  It’s all about making that first move and seeing where it goes from there.

Who knows who I could meet if I just try?

Responses to The Ice Breaker Speech and Shyness Project

I am touched by the responses I’ve gotten from those who have watched my Icebreaker Speech video.  Susan Cain, the brilliant upcoming author of Quiet: The Power of Introverts book and blog (http://www.thepowerofintroverts.com/), wrote an especially heartfelt email to me.  She said my speech “brought tears to her eyes — not only the cruelty of your so-called friends, but also your courage in telling it.”  She said she can’t even imagine what incredible things I’ll be doing by the time I’m her age.  I’m honored, not only because she took the time to read my post and watch my video, but because my speech had such an impact on her.  I will always treasure her email.

I recently told one of my friends, Tristan, (who I met through swing dance) about my project and speech, and he surprised me by saying that he considers himself to be shy and introverted.  He brought up many insightful qualities about being shy and introverted as well.  I had no idea that he thought either of those things about himself, but it was cool to hear.  He is a guy I admire very much and have always looked up to.  He is adventurous, environmentally conscious, and wise beyond his years.  He has travelled to many countries and is currently teaching English abroad in Japan for his second year.

Yesterday I finally told my oldest brother Andrew about my project. He wrote back saying “Oh my god Brittany, I am so proud of you!  You always amaze me with your brilliance and introspection!” which was really touching because I’d been nervous to tell him.  We talked on the phone for a long time.  He said he never thought I was shy, and brought up how I’d always befriended his friends right away and got along so well with them.  His friends would often tell him that they wished that I was their sister, and Andrew would tell them he was very proud to be my brother.

He then told me as he was watching my speech, he nearly cried.  He said he learned something new about me.  I asked him what that was, and he said he had no idea about the bullying.  I hadn’t realized that I’d never told him.  The truth is, I’ve rarely ever talked about it and at the time it was happening, I kept it secret.  I didn’t want my family to think that I was a loser like those girls did.  I didn’t even write about it in my journal because I didn’t want to admit that it was happening. It wasn’t until the cyber-bullying near the end of the year that I finally broke down and told my mom.

Today I talked on the phone with my friend Brian, and let him in on the project too. He was very enthusiastic and interested in reading it and watching my speeches.  He was very proud and touched by what I was trying to do not only help myself, but to help other people.  He thinks I’m proactive and am helping spread a message that shyness isn’t a weakness and something others should look down upon.  I told him how I used to believe that I had live my life with limitations, and now that I’ve learned that I don’t have to, my whole perspective has changed.

Now that I’ve been speaking more about my project instead of keeping it to myself, I’ve learned that people are very supportive and proud of me for what I’m doing.  The ones I’ve talked with don’t view me as shy at all.  They are glad that I’m becoming aware of what I’m capable of and that I am not letting labels or false beliefs hold me back.

To anyone who I’ve mustered up the courage to tell my project to, thank you.  Thank you for being so supportive, understanding, and loving.  Thank you especially Annie for making me feel so comfortable when I shared my project for the first time, and for making me feel so good about myself.  Thank you Andrew for spending several hours with me editing a guest post I’m writing to help make it the most accessible it can be.  And thank you to all the loyal blogging friends I’ve made since the start of this journey: Doug, Vee, Sharon, “Madonna”, Cheryl, Jenny, “Hook”, “GMom”, Tom, Patti, Maria, Patricia, Tyler, Eric, and Faith.  Doug, as you know you were my first blogging friend.  If you hadn’t been there to help me figure out blogging and hadn’t offered to let me write a guest post, it would have taken me longer to get started.

I am very fortunate to have so many wonderful people in my life.  Who knew starting this project and blog could bring so much greatness and self-realization.

Last Few Days of High School

High school is over! I can’t believe it. I’m no longer a senior, but a college student.

It went by quickly I suppose, but at the same time it does feel like I spent quite a bit of time at the school. I’m sad for the end, but also ready. I’ve gotten closer to some people this year who I am really going to miss, but I just have to trust that we’ll keep in touch. It’s time for a new school, new people, and a new perspective.

On the day before the last day of school I said goodbye to some of my teachers. Some of them wrote really nice things in my yearbook and I am really going to miss them.

I went to pick up my senior portfolio/scrapbook from my Lit teacher a day early afterschool because I thought he might have graded it already, but it turned out that he hadn’t. He said he was actually planning on reading through all of mine because he really likes my writing, and I was flattered and said oh well I can pick it up tomorrow then if you want. He said that’s alright and that he knew I was busy.

He asked me to hand it to him though and he went through each page and I briefly explained each of the various experiences and people I wrote about. I asked him to sign my yearbook, and he scrawled a really nice message that said he is absolutely positive that I will positively impact the world and that he counts himself super fortunate to have had me as a student. He said he hoped that he didn’t let me down and drew a smiley face. I opened my arms for a hug and he stood up from his chair and we hugged. I told him that he was one of my favorite teachers, and he said that I was one of his favorite students and that he thinks we see a lot of things eye to eye. He asked me about college plans as I was walking out the door and I talked about that a little bit before I had to go. I’m going to miss him; he’s really down to earth and cares about living life to the fullest.

After school I talked to my brother Andrew on the phone for a while and we caught up on a lot of things. We hadn’t talked in a long time. He was flying in to see my graduation so I would see him the next day.

I then went to my SAGE (Students for the Advancement of Global Entrepreneurship) club advisor’s house that evening as she wanted to present us with graduation cords for our hard work last year in fundraising for a water chlorinator in Haiti, for the water audits, first aid kit to Mauli, KIVA loans, etc. She told us that she wanted to reward us for all the difference we had made in the lives of so many people world-wide, and that not many young people could say that. At her house the three other girls and I talked about classes, graduation, and SAGE mostly for an hour or so. She presented us with green and gold cords and hugged and kissed us as we left and told us to keep in touch.

The last day of school was sort of boring as we had graduation practice all day, where we learned how to walk and shake hands, which I guess they think we’re not capable of knowing how to do. Afterschool was fun though since I got to hang out with Emily at her house. It was nice and I liked hanging out with her one-on-one because that’s when I seem to get to know people best. We had pizza for lunch and played this Wii sports game that she beat me at. Later on Alice and Krishna came over too and we all went to the park to play this game and take a bunch of funny pictures. We watched some old videos Emily had made with friends and talked about camping plans. It was fun and I’m glad we all got to spend time together because I don’t know Alice or Krishna as well. We all got along well though and I enjoyed hanging out with them. I will write about graduation day and grad night soon, because there is a lot to say about that!

Man I Feel Like a Woman

On Friday night I went to my high school’s last dance show, which was a lot of fun.  I met up with Annie, Emily, and Mel.  I talked to Annie mostly while Emily and Mel were mostly talking together.  I kidded Annie about making a candy sandwich to kill two cravings with one stone, since she wanted a sandwich after supposedly smelling them and thought about getting a candy bar since they were selling them.  She didn’t end up getting either after all that talking about it though.  It was fun talking with her and laughing, and I had a really good time.  The show was great, though it was kind of sad since it was the last show I’ll see at the high school and it was Ashleia’s last time dancing here.

After the show we all hugged her and gave her all the flowers we’d gotten for her.  We took a group picture before we all parted too, which is now one of my favorite pictures.

I waited outside in the cold with Annie afterward mostly talking about her college and her major.  When her dad came to pick her up she thanked me for waiting and we hugged and said have a good weekend.  I then hurried to the car so I could start driving home; it was a great night.

I was in a good mood after the dance show and stayed up until midnight or so, since my mom wanted me to make sure my brother got home ok anyway.   I was singing “Man I Feel Like A Woman” aloud (it’s been stuck in my head since the guys in Powderpuff danced to it) while listening to it with headphones on the computer, and was really get into it but I thought my voice was quiet enough where it wouldn’t be heard at 10pm.  But then my mom comes out in her pajamas and says with a wry smile that she wanted to see if I needed help or something.  She said it sounded like I was trying to sing bad on purpose and she was surprised when she heard what I was singing!  I laughed and told her I had no idea she could hear me and I thought I was being quiet, and maybe she was just exaggerating to try and embarrass me.  But she laughed and said oh nooo.

At least now I know I shouldn’t audition for American Idol!

Well actually…I’d probably fit right in with a lot of the other people who audition for that show.  Yikes!

Confiding, Apologizing, and Being Silly

On Friday I went swing dancing to see my friend Billy, who I hadn’t seen in a year since he moved to Washington after college graduation.  It was really good to see him; he hadn’t changed at all.  I couldn’t believe it had already been a year since we had to say goodbye to him, time went by quickly. It probably seems that way because we haven’t gone up to swing dancing much this year whereas last year we were practically there every other week.  During the long car rides there and back, Angela, my brother Sean, and I talked about some funny things and some serious things.  I love how Angela and I can just be open and honest with our feelings and rant to each other when we need to and always be there for each other.  She’s told me that she truly considers me to be her sister, and that I know more about her than any person living.  She knows more about me than anyone else too and we have so many experiences together that we can talk about anything and understand each other.  She knows so much about me and she loves me for who I am.  I never feel like I’m not appreciated and feel total unconditional acceptance from her, which is an incredible thing. 

During swing dancing I finally talked to one of my friends after wanting to talk to him for a while.  We were dancing and he told me briefly about some of the bad things that were going on lately.  Things had been a little weird between us ever since last year when we went on a date and there was all this confusion from that.  I didn’t think one date meant we were dating while he did, and it got very complicated and stressful.  It was really hard when I finally had to bring up that I wanted to make it clear that I considered him just a friend, and he took it really hard and things were never the same.  While dancing and after when I pulled him aside I talked to him about how sorry I was for hurting him and that I never meant to lead him on if I did.  I told him how much I was stressed out about the whole situation and that’s why it took me so long to bring it up.  I didn’t know what he was thinking and I didn’t know how to bring it up.  He said that means a lot to him and he was sorry too.  He said he didn’t mean to make me feel as bad as he did. A lot of bad things were going on and he kind of took it as an excuse to dump everything on me and was sorry.  He told me in a platonic way that he loves me and I’m one of his few friends and always looks forward to me coming up. I told him I love him too and think he’s a really sweet guy and that I was really sorry.  We hugged a tight hug and from then on out he seemed much happier and was smiling a lot.  The air was cleared, and things felt like old times again.  I’m glad we finally talked.

On Saturday we all met up again except this time at Angela’s house. We had a lot of fun baking, playing card and board games, and taking funny pictures.  I went into Angela’s room with her and found all these clothes that I could put on to be funny, like a blue cape and a horned hat as well as a Star Trek toy gun she had gotten for her birthday.  I put all the stuff on while Angela laughed, and then I opened her door quietly and creeped around the corner to where our friends were standing.  I jumped into the doorway and started blasting the toy gun that made “pew pew” sounds while lighting up and then ducked back for cover.  It was funny and silly and they all came to find me and found some stuff to wear too and we took awesome pictures.  They are really a great group of friends and I always feel so comfortable with them.  It was a very good weekend, and it was great to have most of the gang reunited again.(minus Brian) They’re all about 7-8 years older than me at 25 and 26, but we get along so well that you’d think we were the same age.  They’re always forgetting that I’m still in high school and never really think about it.  I hardly ever think about the age difference either.  I don’t really feel or act my age, I guess growing up with two brothers 8 and 11 years older than me made me feel like I was the same age too and I act as mature as them.