I’m going to wrap things up with the vulnerability and energy goal now. I’ve given the link to this blog to my two closest friends, though I think only one has actually read it so far. Her reaction was good and she didn’t feel sorry for me, didn’t try to give me advice, and nothing really changed. My imagination of the worst occurring and any of those things happening didn’t come true, and I don’t think I made a bad choice in telling her. She thinks this project is “badass” of me in that I took one of my toughest insecurities and just owned it by exploring my feelings and learning from them. She said that she feels so honored, blessed, and happy to be my friend, and lucky to have me in her life. I’m very appreciative of all this and think it’s really nice to be completely accepted and loved when you show the real you and can just be yourself with someone.
I’ve noticed several changes in me since I started this project. Recently it’s really been apparent that I raise my hand a lot more than I used to, I dress up when I want to, I open up more about sensitive subjects, and I’m just less worried about what others think in general and have a better self-image.
This past weekend at a college orientation class, I asked a lot of questions when others were quiet. I didn’t feel nervous speaking among the group and I asked my questions with ease and confidence. I didn’t leave anything uncertain in my head and asked about everything that I wasn’t sure about. I feel like I see myself as a talkative and confident person now, and see myself as feeling shy only in certain situations.
I’m taking a summer class too, statistics, whoo! I’m trying to get another big subject out of the way to make things easier for me later on. On the first day of stats class, I talked to the people around me easily. It was a breeze and I didn’t feel awkward since I expected positive results. I noticed that the cousin of a friend was in the class right away and even though I don’t know her well at all we both recognized each other and I opened my arms for a hug. I sat nearby to her and met her friend, who I think said his name was Crystal. To greet me he stuck out his hand wrist flexed down as if to show off his nails, and I wasn’t sure what to do so I just did it back and we laughed and he said hey girrrl in the a soft sweet voice. I asked the younger teenage girl next to me if she was added into the class already and about the textbook (easy conversation starter for a class), and she sort of answered me in a really low voice that I couldn’t hear and she went back to whispering with her friend and giggling. I got the vibe that she thought I was weird for trying to talk to her and didn’t want to talk. Oh well, I tried. Then a lady probably in her 30s sat down next to me, and I decided to try talking to her instead and asked her similar questions. She was friendly and talked back fully to me and I’d say we got along well. I liked her and she had a good, friendly vibe.
The teacher has been great, he is actually really young and has a thick Chinese accent. He is delightfully geeky and has a great sense of humor; I could definitely see him as being a cartoon character in “Futurama” or something. He is very good at making everything very clear too and goes over several examples until there is no doubt that you understand what he is trying to teach. He makes everything funny and memorable whenever he can too. I heard that he’s even got a Ph. D in statistics, so I’m very glad that I was able to add his class and learn from him!
I’ve been working on some multiple goals at once lately as some things have taken longer than I expected. I’m trying to get involved in a speaking group called Toastmasters but it’s taking longer than I thought to join and it’s only once a week so I won’t be able to write about it that much for a little while. I’ve also been doing a ton of exercise and have been trying to eat healthy. (There is hardly any junk food in the house and I haven’t baked cookies in a long time, though I might cave in soon!) I’ve been driving on my own too to get to my stats class and have been taking walks by myself sometimes when I have the time. I can write about those things in more detail soon, sorry I’ve not been the most active blogger lately. It gets harder to blog when you get really busy in the summer! Thanks for reading!