The Shyness Project

Archive for the tag “energy”

Work Out Videos

Earlier in the week I talked to my friend Sue first period about my weekend and some other things that hadn’t gone well and made it humorous.  I made her laugh quite a bit to my delight.  She told me about some of the stuff that had happened to her too and we were all smiles.  I was in a very good mood and was laughing a lot.

As we were walking to fourth period I told her about this one hour cardio video I had done yesterday and how I was amazed by how sore a video could make me, it was like our dance class boot camp again.  I told her about another video I had done the day before that that had you do 12 minutes of hip hop, 12 minutes of country, and 12 minutes of bollywood dancing.

I told her how my mom kept coming in the room Saturday and how I was trying to get her to stop coming in the room and made it funny.  My mom claimed she wasn’t watching me but I still didn’t want her in the room, especially for hip hop when I was lookin’ like a gangsta and sayin’ “What’s up” to the screen when we were supposed to with one of the moves.  We had to act like we had attitude and look all cool, and it was fun for me though I would have been embarrassed if anyone saw me getting into that, haha.  Country was ok, though the footwork was kind of tricky and I had to rewind a couple of times to get it.  Bollywood was a lot of fun, though I had to rewind a lot too to get the arms and feet right.  It reminded me of African dancing where you just get to let loose with your whole body.

Sunday I let my mom stay in the room while I was kicking, punching, and jumping for a different cardio video, which is a little less embarrassing to me.  It would have been better if she wasn’t sitting right there on the computer, but I still did it with gusto.  I felt great even though I was sore, the hour one was probably too intense to jump into so quickly but somehow I kept doing everything the whole time.  I was wearing down at the end though and was getting a little lazier with some of the movements.

I recently started checking out some of these workout videos from the library to try them out and it actually is a very good way to stay in shape and get fit.  Hopefully they will help boost my mood and give me more energy too.  I already walk my neighbor’s dogs about 4 times a week for an hour or hour and a half a day, and that has been pretty good for me in my opinion.  I’ve done one of these videos a day on the weekends, and two times before school this week I got up early to do a video.  It was really hard to get up earlier and not go back to bed; I gave in a few times when I hadn’t gotten any sleep.  But once I get myself up and sit around in the living room for a little bit to wake up, checking email and what not, it’s easier to get ready to work out in the morning before school.  I still prefer doing it on the weekends though when I have more time and can get more sleep.  Have you ever tried any workout videos?  What do you think of them?  I know some can be cheesy, but they actually can be a lot of fun and can be a more convenient way to work out than signing up for a class or something.

Some more honesty for you

Two nights ago (Monday) my dad left clothes laid out all over my bed that were to be put away.

It was late at night and I was really tired and just wanted to flop in bed, but these clothes were in the way.  I tossed them to the pile of other clothes at the side of my bed.  Then I looked at the nice laid out clothes all carelessly tossed to the side and sure to get creases, and I just started getting emotional.  I started tearing up and was upset with my dad for piling all these clothes on my bed when I just wanted to go to bed, and picked up the clothes and carefully laid them down on top of some other stuff on my floor instead so they were flat and wouldn’t get wrinkled.  That made me feel better, but I was still emotional and started crying.  It wasn’t really about the clothes though, just at that moment all my frustrations came to the surface and I just had to let it out.  So I cried for a little bit in bed thinking about it all, then after a little while stopped crying and was fine.  Sometimes a good cry is all I need to feel better and get back into the swing of things.  I can’t always keep positive and be in the best of moods, I have my ups and downs like every person does.  Sometimes there’s not even a real concrete reason for feeling upset, it’s just a weird feeling or mood.

I’ve been feeling that mood lately.  I’ve been trying to act more energetic and enthusiastic but I just have been in this weird, more reserved mood.  I guess I just have to prepare myself a little better to get into that energetic mood, like listen to upbeat music in the morning or something.  I’ve just been tired and not feeling the best and it’s hard to pretend otherwise.

I had a good conversation with a friend I haven’t gotten to talk with much one-on-one several days ago about our futures after high school, and that was cool.  We just sat on the sidewalk curb in the shade and talked after three hours of picking up trash in the blazing hot sun.  I learned some more about her that I didn’t know before and I was glad that she opened up to me and I opened up to her too.  It was nice, and I’m glad we got to talk like that.

I’ve been saying more funny things at school too whenever I can think of something like that to add.  Today for instance one friend was saying how she loves science but hates dissecting things, and with a wry smile I told her to just pretend it was cheese and think like she was cutting cheese.  Mind you it would be squishy, smelly, disgusting cheese I said, but think of it that way.  This made her laugh quite a bit and she said that was great.  I’ve just been saying more things like that without allowing myself to think about it too much and be too much of a perfectionist with what I say even if it doesn’t make the most sense.

And lastly, tonight was the last night of my psychology class before the final next week.  I missed out on Senior Awards night (I heard I got an award from the California Scholarship Federation club though!), but I’m glad I decided to go to class instead.  The lesson was on phobias and disorders and it was all very interesting to me, and hearing about some of the cases my teacher has come across working as a psychologist was really cool to me.  She explained the story of one person who got over their fear of dogs and how they worked her up to confronting her fear very slowly and carefully, and eventually at the end she even adopted a dog!  It was awesome to hear about and it must be great helping people work on phobias like that.  There was another lady who wouldn’t go anywhere without her husband, especially shopping, because she feared she was going to have a panic attack and collapse and all these people would be crowded around her.  So my teacher drove with her to the store and told her to just go in the store and stay there for 15 to 20 minutes.  She didn’t have to interact with anyone or buy anything, just stay there.  She was taking a long time and my teacher started getting worried, but then the lady came out triumphantly with 2 bananas in her hand.  My teacher got worried and thought she must have stolen the bananas because she had a huge fear of standing in line and there was no way she had waited in line for those bananas.  But it turns out that she felt good enough that she waited in the short line and bought two bananas, so they had celebratory bananas.  That was a good story too.

At the end of class Patricia started talking to the teacher about the DSM-IV book she was passing around.  I joined in on the conversation too, and also asked the teacher if she always knew she wanted to be a psychologist.  (I had never really talked to her after class before so I’m really glad I stayed and talked to her.)  She said she originally thought she was going to go into law, but then she took some psychology classes and really loved them and wanted to learn more.  I told her that I’m a high school senior and was thinking about psychology as a possible major, and was really interested in the subject too.  We asked if she had any other psych classes she teaches because we both really like her, and she mentioned a few other classes.  We then said goodnight to her as we were the only ones left in the classroom and had been talking for quite a bit, and walked downstairs together.  Patricia and I talked some more while we waited for our rides and she said she has a bit of a driving phobia too, and I told her I don’t like driving much either.  When my dad came I got up and opened my arms for a hug, and we hugged for the first time.  Before it had always been friendly goodbye waves and big smiles, but I probably won’t get to say goodbye to her after the final so I wanted to hug her before we parted.  Hopefully we’ll still keep in touch, she works at a hospital that I might want to volunteer at sometime, so she should be there for a few more years before she retires.  We exchanged emails and numbers earlier too, and I’ve been trying to help her add me on Facebook but she hasn’t figured it out yet.  I can’t add her because her privacy settings are really strict, but hopefully she will figure it out soon so we can talk using the “box” as she says, or chat, haha.

Driving home with my dad I felt happy though, the hug and conversation with my teacher made me feel good.  I looked up at the purple-blue sky and felt more optimistic and hopeful than I have felt the past few days.  I think I’m starting to get out of this funk I’ve been in.

Vulnerability and Energy

Lately I’ve been good about speaking up when I want to compliment someone.  Just a few hours ago I complimented a girl I sit next to but don’t talk to much who was wearing a pretty dress.   I answered a couple of the teacher’s questions in Lit class yesterday too when only about me and one other guy were answering his questions.  Everyone else was silent, and I think a lot of people hadn’t read, but luckily I’d finished the book a few weeks ago and knew enough to be able to respond to his questions.

This month I am going to let myself be more vulnerable with friends and share my stories, experiences, thoughts, and open up and confide more.  I’ll probably have to hang out with people one-on-one to be able to do that, as it’s much harder for me to do that in a group and I tend to have my deeper conversations when it’s just me and one other person.  In doing so I also hope to learn more about my friends and have a deeper connection with them.  Another goal will be to act more energetic, enthusiastic, friendly, and silly to keep things light and not too heavy with all the deep opening up I’ll be doing.  My psych textbook was saying that if you want to change your attitude you can change your behavior, since when you change one thing the other will feel a need to align itself with that change as well.  So I will try that out.

Those are two behavioral things I can work on.  Two cognitive things I can work on are to quit expecting negative results & the worst to occur, and also to imagine positive responses and closer friendships.  For a lot of my friends I only have the remainder of senior year to be with them and get closer before we all split ways for college.  I will probably see several of them again during breaks and what not, but it will never be quite the same as it was in high school and will be more difficult to get together.  I hope I stay in good contact with my high school friends even through the distance.  It will be different without them though, as I’ve lived in the same town for all of my life so far.  I won’t be moving away until after I get my general education completed through community college, but in two years or so I will be in a different place.  I am excited for that though even though I am nervous too.  I think it’ll be important for me to go somewhere different with a fresh start.

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