The Shyness Project

A Solitary Walk

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This week has been my spring break from school, and unfortunately it’s been raining hard all week so I’ve mostly stayed indoors.  I’ve been reading a lot though, and have a lot of books checked out on shyness as well as some other books that I’m simultaneously reading (I read too many books at once).  I did meet up with some friends for volunteer work at school on Monday though, and did some work for my internship yesterday and helped the client see where his water usage was going.

Today was finally a sunny day though, at least on and off it was, as it’s been raining today too.  After spending my morning reading a book on shyness and taking notes, I decided it was a good day for a walk.  So I got dressed and asked my mom if she wanted to go with me, but she didn’t really.  I was thinking of calling my neighbor to see if she wanted me to take the dogs today or not, since she was home today.  I was sort of hesitant about calling, but then just pressed the button and did it without feeling any nervous symptoms thankfully.  It turns out that she didn’t want me to take the dogs today since she was going to take them, but at least I asked.  I gave myself a little pat on the back afterward, haha. 🙂

I wondered if I should just stay home then and not go walking, since my mom didn’t want to go and I didn’t need to take the dogs today.  I decided to go out on my own, even though it’s been a little while since I’ve walked around on my own and I prefer to be with people or the dogs.  I feel more self-conscious when I’m on my own when it comes to exercising.

As I walked and all these cars drove past me, I did notice that I felt kind of anxious though and couldn’t focus on my thoughts as well as I would have liked.  I felt like each person passing by in their car was watching me and I was very self-conscious about my movements and expression.

I made eye contact with, smiled, and said hi to every person I passed though, and they each said hi back to me, or nodded or smiled.  I walked until I reached the park, and then ran a lap around it and walked some of it.  I went over to pet a cute dog  that was going crazy with excitement trying to go over to me, and I talked to the owner (and the dog) for a little while, said it was nice to meet him, and then moved on.  I ran up the hill on the way home, and by the time I reached my court I was really out of breath. I saw a neighbor who I’d never spoken to before at the stop sign, and he started talking to me and I talked to him for a little while.  He said he had seen a girl running in the pouring rain yesterday and asked if that was me, and I said no and that I wasn’t THAT dedicated to running.  The rain was madness yesterday, it was bad enough that I had to drive in it, but I wouldn’t go running in that weather. I felt good after my walk/run and shower, it’s amazing what exercise can do for you.

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8 thoughts on “A Solitary Walk

  1. Eric Sylvester on said:

    Hey, read your blog after you “liked” one of my posts. (Hopefully) without sounding rude, I wanted to tell you how interesting I found your blog! I say this because shyness is just a very foreign notion to me. I’m a loud, sarcastic, outgoing person that, while shy sometimes like everybody else, can’t imagine living with a severe case of it like you. I find it very fascinating and incredibly motivating that you’re overcoming it, and doing so on a public forum. I’m not sure how much this will translate, but I wrote a post on vulnerability a few days ago… Maybe you can get something from my jumbled thoughts that go in a million different directions at once…

    http://sylvestersays.wordpress.com/2011/03/20/on-vulnerability/

    • Hey Eric! Thank you for reading my blog, subscribing, and commenting! I read your post thanks to memoirsofamadonna’s post http://madonnamemoirs.wordpress.com/2011/03/26/the-beach-and-the-popo/ and thought it was funny! You’re a really good writer, by the way, I’m going to keep reading your blog. 🙂 I’m glad you find my blog interesting even though we might be quite opposite personality wise! And thanks for the compliments, it really does mean a lot to me because it’s hard to be so public with your insecurities when you’ve never opened up about them before really. I’ll read your linked post, and subscribe to your blog as well!

      • Thanks for visiting my blog and commenting! I really respect the whole idea of your blog. When I was 17, I was extremely shy as well and would only respond to a person’s hi with a hi and the “How are you?” with a fine and just try to walk away as soon as possible, so I can completely understand where you’re coming from. It wasn’t until I joined a singing/dancing group and took Acting classes for fun and due to finally wanting to become less shy, that I was able to get over it and not be as shy. I still struggle with it some at 27 but nowhere near the way I used to.
        I hope doing your blog helps you to overcome it and I wish I had the guts at 17 to overcome it rather than waiting years later to do so!

  2. Thanks for visiting too Sharon, and commenting and subscribing! I have subscribed to your blog as well. I’m glad to hear that you can relate to my situation! Acting and dancing/singing seem like a good way to face your shyness, I think it was really bold of you to join those activities! I’m considering doing something like that too in the summer if I can, it sounds like the last kind of thing I would want to join because my shyness would probably be pretty apparent compared to others, but it does sound like it could be helpful. I’m glad that things have gotten better for you over the years.

    My blog has definitely done a lot for me, more than I ever could have imagined. Making my goals public certainly makes me a lot more determined and persistent to follow through with them! And thanks! 🙂

  3. I, too, had lots of problems being shy when I was growing up, and I still do. I’m just an introvert by nature, and it’s hard for me to be social. I think that your decision to go running, even though you didn’t have anyone to go with you, was so important! I often won’t go do things because I don’t have anyone to go with. For example, I like to go to these Buddhist meditations and talks, but I get so nervous during the tea break because then people want to talk to me. Making small talk has never been something I was good at.

    Thanks for visiting my blog, my-worst-enemy.blogspot.com, and leaving a comment. I look forward to reading your blog more and seeing you achieve those goals!

    • Thank you! 🙂 I think I just felt extra nervous that day because I had been in the house most of the week and hadn’t been out in a while, let alone on my own. I dressed kind of sloppily also, and I felt a little self-conscious about that. I’m introverted too, and the small talk can be difficult. But if the discussion is deep and personal I can usually go on and on, especially if it’s one-on-one or in a small group.

      I often will pass on things too if I don’t have someone to go with or drive with. It is something I’m going to work on though, and I think it’s cool that you like to go to Buddhist meditations and talks. That sounds like something I might want to try too just to see what it’s like, but like you said I would feel kind of uncomfortable on my own.
      Of course, and thanks for doing the same! 🙂 I look forward to reading more of your posts too!

  4. Glad you had a productive day!

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