The Shyness Project

Lunch Disclosures

Lately there haven’t been a whole lot of opportunities to raise my hand in front of the whole class.  On Thursday I raised my hand a few times but since we were on the computer for those classes the teacher just came by and helped me one-on-one. It’s still been good practice though asking for help when I need it instead of trying to figure out certain things on my own so I don’t have to ask.

I spent lunch with a close friend Thursday.  We talked about general things at first that weren’t too personal, like upcoming dances, volunteer work, the weekend, etc. Eventually she brought up the topic of her weight again and she thinks if she loses so much weight that she’ll be more confident and self-assured.  I told her again that she didn’t need to lose that much weight, but if she really wanted to lose some weight she should do it safely.  I suggested exercising more and eating less, but not to the point where you’re starving yourself.  She said she’s really sensitive about her weight and easily upset.  I decided now was as good a time as ever to open up to her that my insecurity is my shyness and I’m really sensitive about it.  I told her how I dislike being called shy and every time someone says that to me, even her, it makes me upset.  I’d been meaning to sort of confront her about this for a while now since I’d heard her go on about that I’m “too shy” or “I wish you were more out there”, etc, and it’d always hurt my feelings.  I finally brought it up though, even though I was afraid of “making something out of nothing” by talking about things she’d said to me a while ago.

She said she didn’t know I was sensitive about it and that it hurt my feelings, and apologized and gave me a hug.  I went on about it and said there are a lot of good things about shyness too and it doesn’t have to be seen as a weakness. I said I was trying to work on things like talking to strangers and raising my hand too.  I told her that I work hard to be outgoing, and I wish I was just accepted by her.  Hopefully she’ll understand now that her sensitivity to being called fat is like my sensitivity to being called shy.  Since I started this project though, I have become less sensitive about it and have started embracing more of my shyness.

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9 thoughts on “Lunch Disclosures

  1. great timing! It feels great to have those type of conversations.

  2. I like this blog… You should definitely be proud of who you are. I like how you wrote about embracing the traits that make you who you are. I’m a strong believer that we shouldn’t be forced into changing who we are as individuals in order to fit in. I know that’s a LOT harder to grasp in a high school setting…

    And I’m glad you had an honest conversation with a close friend about your insecurity and hers…. Like DM wrote, it’s a good feeling to have those types of conversations…

    • Thank you, that’s a really kind thing to say. 🙂 Yeah, I guess it’s just hard to know who I am, and what makes me, me. Even though I’m often labeled as the shy one I don’t have to play out that role and I’m much more complex than that, like every person is. It’s hard being different, especially when high school is so much about groups and fitting in. I don’t want to be forced into changing either, which is usually why I get frustrated with people who urge me to change and be more “out there” when I don’t really feel like I have to be that way. I’m working on things for myself that I think will allow me to better achieve what I want and allow me to live to the fullest in the way I want to live, but if someone else were just telling me I needed to do all this I would be resistant and unmotivated.

  3. kindamixedup on said:

    Sometimes people just don’t understand how hurtful it can be to be constantly told “you’re so quiet/shy” over and over again. When I was in high school, i was known as “the one who doesn’t talk”. My friends did not understand me at all, and made me feel like there was something deeply wrong with being shy. I’m glad to hear you can have those kind of conversation with somebody. I wish I had that somebody to open up to back when I was your age.
    “Since I started this project though, I have become less sensitive about it and have started embracing more of my shyness.” That’s really good! I like to see things like that as well. Embracing it doesn’t mean we can’t change a few things about it and do what it takes to not let it take too much space in our lives…

    • Yeah I’m glad that you can relate to how hurtful it can be to hear people tell you that you’re so quiet/shy so much over the course of your life. I really wish more people would understand that their seemingly innocent remark can actually be pretty hurtful if you’ve heard it enough times. It’s like they say it without any thought to it and think nothing of it, but to me that little comment gets replayed over and over in my mind and I don’t forget it. I’m sorry that your friends didn’t support you better in high school and couldn’t understand you. :/ Hopefully now you’re better understood by your friends?
      Yep, it’s helped reading other shy or socially anxious people’s blogs too because I feel like there’s more people out there like me. I really like those people based on my internet exchanges with them and reading their posts, so maybe being a shy person isn’t such a bad thing after all. I love how you said “Embracing it doesn’t mean we can’t change a few things about it and do what it takes to not let it take too much space in our lives.” I’ve really had a hard time trying to figure out how I can both embrace my shyness and work to overcome some of it, but that sentence was exactly the kind of thing I needed to hear. 🙂

  4. Every day is an adventure for you, isn’t it? Keep moving forward and you’ll be pleased with who you see in the mirror before you know it!

  5. Hello terrific blog! Does running a blog like this require a great deal
    of work? I have virtually no knowledge of coding but I was hoping to start my own blog in the near future.

    Anyways, should you have any suggestions or techniques for new blog owners please share.
    I understand this is off subject but I simply needed to ask.

    Many thanks!

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