Lately there haven’t been a whole lot of opportunities to raise my hand in front of the whole class. On Thursday I raised my hand a few times but since we were on the computer for those classes the teacher just came by and helped me one-on-one. It’s still been good practice though asking for help when I need it instead of trying to figure out certain things on my own so I don’t have to ask.
I spent lunch with a close friend Thursday. We talked about general things at first that weren’t too personal, like upcoming dances, volunteer work, the weekend, etc. Eventually she brought up the topic of her weight again and she thinks if she loses so much weight that she’ll be more confident and self-assured. I told her again that she didn’t need to lose that much weight, but if she really wanted to lose some weight she should do it safely. I suggested exercising more and eating less, but not to the point where you’re starving yourself. She said she’s really sensitive about her weight and easily upset. I decided now was as good a time as ever to open up to her that my insecurity is my shyness and I’m really sensitive about it. I told her how I dislike being called shy and every time someone says that to me, even her, it makes me upset. I’d been meaning to sort of confront her about this for a while now since I’d heard her go on about that I’m “too shy” or “I wish you were more out there”, etc, and it’d always hurt my feelings. I finally brought it up though, even though I was afraid of “making something out of nothing” by talking about things she’d said to me a while ago.
She said she didn’t know I was sensitive about it and that it hurt my feelings, and apologized and gave me a hug. I went on about it and said there are a lot of good things about shyness too and it doesn’t have to be seen as a weakness. I said I was trying to work on things like talking to strangers and raising my hand too. I told her that I work hard to be outgoing, and I wish I was just accepted by her. Hopefully she’ll understand now that her sensitivity to being called fat is like my sensitivity to being called shy. Since I started this project though, I have become less sensitive about it and have started embracing more of my shyness.