The Shyness Project

Calling Colorado

I tried calling my friend Brian last Tuesday night to try and catch up with him, but he didn’t answer.  Brian moved to Colorado last summer and I miss him a lot, he’s truly a remarkable guy.  He’s very enthusiastic, funny, and an all around great person.  I’d only called him a few times after he moved though, and felt like I should call him again soon.  I think the last time I’d talked to him was September, so I was nervous about calling and jotted down some ideas of things I could talk about if for some reason my mind went blank.  Yes, admittedly I make those little lists of ideas a lot, and they can be helpful.

The next night the phone rang at 10pm, and I didn’t get to it in time.  I saw that Brian had just called, and I hesitated about calling him back right then.  I wondered if I should just wait until the next day, since I usually try to go to bed at around 10pm.  I knew we’d probably be talking for a while, since the previous phone conversations I’d had with him had lasted 3 hours on average, a time remarkably long for me.

But I decided heck with it (I’m noticing I’m deciding this more often now) and called him back.  I smiled as the phone was ringing, and didn’t feel an ounce of nervousness in me, strangely enough.   (I guess it really does help to press send right away before I can start thinking about what I’m doing too much. )

I heard the phone ringing several times, and I almost thought I might get the message machine, when I heard that familiar enthusiastic tone exclaim “Brittany!”  My smile got even bigger and I said “Hey Brian!”  He said he got my message last night after work at around 1am so he didn’t want to wake me up and call me back then.  He asked me what I had been up to tonight, and I told him I’d gotten back from my psychology class about an hour ago.  I told him that the class was going well and about the two friends I’d made, Patricia and Rose.  I even told him the whole story of how I started conversations with them when it was dead silent.  I made the story humorous and he was laughing at my descriptions of how it was so quiet in the room that I felt conscious of my breathing.

He told me all about how his latest job was going. We also talked about Colorado and his life there.  Being in a different state away from all his friends has actually been a good growing experience for him.

I told him about my choice of community college, and he explained his college journey again to me, which I’d sort of forgotten.  Before he had been encouraging me to go straight to a 4 year school because of the experience, but now he was realizing that in a way he’d been a transfer student himself and he still had a lot of fun.  He said he understands better now and thinks I’m making a good decision.

We also talked about travelling and exploring the world, and we got excited thinking about it.  I told him how I really wanted to travel outside the US and experience a new culture, because I think there’s a lot to be learned from other cultures.

Before I knew it, it was midnight, and we had been talking for 2 hours.  I felt a swollen lump on the side of my throat and my arm was numb from holding the phone up to my ear for so long.  I enjoyed talking to him so much that I didn’t want to stop, but I finally said I had to get going, and that it was really nice talking to him.  He said it was good talking to me too, and we agreed that we should stay in better touch.  We said goodnight, and after I hung up I smiled and realized that I hadn’t even looked at that list I’d written out earlier.  🙂

A pic with Brian two summers ago.

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6 thoughts on “Calling Colorado

  1. lawyerchik1 on said:

    That is awesome, Brittany!! I’m so glad that you got to connect with your friend in such a positive way! Good for you!! 🙂

    • Thanks Cheryl! 😀 I’m glad I finally just called him, I had thought about calling him days before and just kept making excuses to put it off. I’ll probably call again next month to try and keep in touch better.

  2. As a former shy girl… I made lists too. I might still make those lists today, but with so much communication happening over a text message or other messaging device, there isn’t as much of a demand for on the spot ideas…

    You’ll be fine Ms. Brittany. I was a late bloomer… I didn’t even get a taste of being “popular” until I hit 19. POST high school. I was a community college girl too… It’ll save on the money and you won’t have to worry about the Freshman 15 🙂

    I find that I can spark up a random conversation much better with strangers than I can with friends and people I know…. Weird, right?

    • Thanks for sharing! It’s good to know that I’m not the only one who’s made those lists before. Yeah, I usually only use it if I’m making a phone call or am planning to meet up with someone I haven’t talked to in a while, but for email of course I don’t have to worry about that. And I finally just got my own cell phone, so I can text message now if I want to, but I probably won’t use it too much.

      Thanks for the reassurance. 🙂 Haha yeah that’s true, community college does have its advantages. So you made a good amount of friends at community college then? I’ve heard that it’s harder to make friends in community college since you’re not living in the dorms like you are at a four year school, but I imagine if you talk to your classmates and join clubs and what not you’ll make friends.

      Haha yeah, that’s good though! I’m often at a loss as to what to say to a stranger, but last month when I made myself talk to 30+ strangers I found that once I made the initial ice breaker it was enjoyable and natural from there.

  3. Hi, Brittany.

    Thanks for reading my blog! This is my 1st visit to your blog and I can honestly say, I’ll be back! You are going through the same process as I am and its always great to know that others understand me. I know how you feel about building up the courage to call people. I’m going to try your trick, just press send and take it from there!! I’ll call someone that I haven’t touched based with in a while (not sure who yet) and I’ll give it a try.

    We are going to be fine!!!

    • Yay!! 🙂 Thanks for visiting and I’m glad you will be back!!
      It’s helpful for me too to know that others are going through the same thing and that I’m not alone. I’m actually really glad that I started this blog because it’s connected me with several other people that I can relate to and vice versa. I’ve found that opening up about my “secret” feelings of shyness/anxiety on here has actually helped boost my confidence too in that I feel less ashamed and embarrassed by them. They’ve actually become a topic of interest rather than something I wouldn’t talk about.

      I’m really happy to hear that you are going to try doing what I did with the phone trick!! The list provides some security that I will have some ideas of things to talk about if I suddenly can’t think of anything to say, so I try and make that well before the call. I make it in advance because even writing the list makes me feel nervous since I’m realizing then what I’m going to do. Then later on, I find it’s best to just get the phone and make the call without much thought to it. Even when I hesitate for a few seconds, I notice my heart starts pumping faster and a rush of worrying thoughts come in that makes it much harder. So I try and avoid hesitating now, since it only seems to make it worse. Let me know how it goes! I’m sure they’ll be happy to hear from you, whoever you decide to call!

      Yes, I think we are. 🙂 Thanks for writing, looking forward to getting to know you better!

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